Not Again
by AbbyGibbs
Summary: William respects Julia, but does she respects him? After Darcy's death Julia is distant, and as he can understand why she's grieving he can't fully understand why she chooses to run.


**Not Again **

_**Murdoch Mysteries**_

Title: Not again

Author: AbbyGibbs

Disclaimers: Well, I do not own them. Everything belongs to the creators of Murdoch Mysteries and to Maureen Jennings who created the characters in the first place. I'm just borrowing William Murdoch and the others for the time of a story.

Classification: hurt/comfort/romance

Pairing: William/Julia.

Rating: T

Spoilers: Season 6

Summary: William respects Julia, but does she respects him? After Darcy's death Julia is distant, and as he can understand why she's grieving he can't fully understand why she chooses to run.

Author's note**: I know, I have still "Why do you question my feelings to finish" but I can't help but writing this one first, it just flashed into my mind when I watch that particular scene of the episode. I wasn't happy at all with Julia's reaction. I didn't expect her to jumps in happiness or anything after all Darcy is dead and she has loved him, but walking away from William the way she did was not, for me at least, the thing to do.**

**Even though, I'm glad Darcy Garland is gone, I'm not sure that killing him was the right was to handle things either. Anyway enough talk and up to the story, I hope you'll enjoy it.**

**I apologize if I make the characters a bit OCC but it is for the perpose of this story, so please, bare with me.**

Thanks also to Yannick Bisson, Hélène Joy and all the other actors for giving life to the characters.

Feedbacks: well, I'd love them, of course – who wouldn't? But please, only if you respect my work because it takes a lot of time and energy to get a story together. I love writing; I wouldn't allow anyone to discourage me from doing so, never. I don't have any problems at all with readers who choose not to go for this, but I decidedly do with those who write disrespectful mails just because they didn't get the ending they would have wanted. If you want to tell me what I might have done better within the story I made up, you're always very welcome to let me know. But if your only concern is to rant about it, then please, do it in private, okay? Thank you.

But those who like it drop a review, please!

_**Not again **_

_"Darcy's dead because of me, because of us. Can you deny it?"_

_"No"_

William Murdoch couldn't help, the words from spinning in his head as he walk away from Julia.

_No, this wasn't happening again_**, **William Murdoch thought to himself, this wasn't possible, was it? What had he done other than to love her all this time? Was he being punished because he's in love with Julia Ogden? How could it be? How could God let this happen? Since when loving someone a crime? His thoughts were driving him crazy.

Detective William Murdoch suddenly doubted everything he had always believed in, including his religion. He had once lost his first love Lisa, he had been powerless to save her. He had tried to be in a relationship with Enid, but it hadn't worked because no matter what or how much he tried, his love for Julia was unshakable.

It really was, and he was ready to fight for it.

"Julia wait!" He called after her, and started to run.

The blond haired woman, looked over her shoulder when she heard the man, she still loved so much call her name. She saw him jog toward her and stopped.

"William."

"Julia, I can't let you run away from me again." The detective told her as he stood now a few inches from her.

"William, I need some time on my own, to think. After what we've put Darcy through."

"He put himself through it too, you know." William told her.

Dr. Ogden's eyes widened when she heard the words that came out of Murdoch's mouth, she couldn't quite believe them.

"William!"

"Sometimes, I have the feeling you still loved him, more than you want to admitted to yourself. Have you thought a moment about what _he_ has put _us_ through?"

Julia wasn't sure where this was going and, and if was honest with herself, she wasn't sure she wanted to hear more of what detective Murdoch had to say.

As they were walking, he spotted a bench and reached out for her hand, she refused to take it and followed him silently. Both of them sat on the bench without saying anything at first. Murdoch sigh heavily.

"That's exactly what I mean, Julia. You say you love me, and yet, you're still refusing to see the facts as they really are."

"I do love you, William, with all my heart." She told him, firmly, though the detective could detect a slight pinch of hurt, creeping through her voice.

"Excuse me, but I doubt that."

"How can you say, you doubt, the love I feel for you?" The doctor asked as she could feel her eyes water.

As he looked at the woman, he loved, it broke his heart to see the unshed tears, but he felt he had no choice, he had to know, had to make her understand otherwise he wasn't sure their relationship really had a chance. He couldn't explain why he had to, but he had to.

"Julia, do you remember that time when you told me you'd only be a divorce woman that you were still the woman I said I loved that I should let that be a problem because we would still be legally married, I answered you that we wouldn't be so in God's eyes. You were upset, you didn't understand. At that moment, it felt to me as if you didn't respect me." Murdoch explained in a somewhat strangled voice.

"Oh William..." Julia said, as she sat closer to him on the bench.

The doctor grabbed for his hand, and looked at his handsome face. "I was upset that day and even though I admit, I have troubles sometimes with you believing in a god you can't even see, doesn't mean I don't respect you. I was upset and frustrated because of Darcy, William. Upset because Darcy didn't want to grant me what I wanted. What we both wanted, but most of all, I was upset and disappointed with myself." At her last words, her voice broke slightly.

William looked at her then, confused, "Upset with yourself?" he repeated the question.

Julia reached out her other hand and caressed his face. Not carrying that anyone might see them at the moment, she wanted him to understand, she wanted him to believe, to reassure him that she loved him as much as she knew he loved her.

"If I hadn't made the mistake of marrying him, we wouldn't be in this situation in the first place. I'm so sorry, William." She told him as tears rolled down her cheeks.

"Julia..." Murdoch started, but stopped himself from saying another word.

The blond woman sitting next to him wondered why he hadn't said what he had wanted to. She watched him silently as he stood and reached out for her hand. Her blue eyes met his brown ones and this time, she placed her hand in his and stood as well.

Julia knew that whatever, he had to tell her wasn't appropriate to be said in the street even though no one could really hear them. They walked silently, she was holding his arm and her head was resting on his shoulder, neither of them speaking. Words were not necessary right now. William was happy to feel her alive and walking next to him. He'd almost lost her because of a man who loved to play games with another's life.

Some people looked at them when they passed, their gazes disapproving, but neither William nor Julia cared. They walked to the detective's house without even really realizing that they'd walked this far, they hadn't even bother to take a carriage. William thought for two seconds and made a rapid calculation then smiled.

"Why are you smiling, William?"

"For nothing really. I just remembered that Mrs. Kitchen is gone for a few days, so we have the house for ourselves." He had said that in a light tone, but Julia knew him well enough to know he didn't feel that way at this precise moment.

No word was exchanged when they entered his place. Julia took off her gloves while William took off his beloved hat. He had been thinking on rather tell her everything he had felt during the time she'd been with Darcy or not. Or that he was ready to die for her when Gillies told him to chose between his own life or hers.

Murdoch suddenly realized that in fact Julia also had issues about their relationship, they both loved each other so much, but they had faced a lot of things already so now that, Dr. Garland was gone and that there was nothing was left in their way, both of them were scared about the fact that now, they could really be together.

He had been so terrified to lose her.

William watched her as she took place on a chair.

"Do you want anything to drink?" He asked her in a soft tone of voice.

"No, I'm fine thank you, William."

Murdoch smiled when he came to take a seat close to her. He was silent for a moment as he just looked at her. At her beautiful face. Her wonderful blue eyes, her magnificent blond hair. If he hadn't been on time...

Julia Ogden saw the sadness shine in his eyes then and thought she knew what he was thinking about. She reached out for his hand then and waited until she got his attention before saying: "You never failed me, William, I still love you."

"How can you say that?" I was the one who found that partial finger mark, that almost got you killed.

"You were the one who did everything he could, to save me, William. You kept your promise. You got me out. And I didn't expect you to do less than your job, like you always have done."

William's heart swelled up with even more love for her as his eyes watered.

"I thought of erasing the finger mark from the bullet case, Julia, I have an handkerchief in my hand, but Crabtree entered..." His voice trailed off.

"William..." She started.

"I had never even thought of doing such a thing before in my life, Julia. Then instead of doing it, he gave it to Chief Constable Giles. I almost got you killed."

"You stayed honest to yourself, William, I love you for that and that is the reason why you never failed me and never will."

"But..." The detective couldn't go any further as his lips were touched by hers. Surprised at first it took him a few second to understand what was happening, but when he did, he closed his eyes and responded to her kiss, deepening it even.

When they separated in much need of air, Julia rested her forehead against William's as they fought to regain their breath. When she finally regained enough of it to speak she said: "Thank you. Thank you for saving my life, William."

"I love you so much, Julia." Was all he could get out.

"I love you, too, William." Julia Ogden told him before she leaned in to kiss him again.

They both got lost in the kiss and William realized that what really matter wasn't that she knew the whole truth about what had happened. She didn't know that he had been trapped in a cage by James Gillies or anything else. Maybe one day he would tell her, if she ever asked for it. What really matter was here and now. Dr. Julia Ogden was alive and in his arms kissing him.

She hadn't ran away from him again, like she had intended at first. They had yet another chance together and for that Detective William Murdoch would forever be grateful.

THE END


End file.
